Thursday, June 14, 2007

Stop the ride, I wanna get off

Well, dear readers (if either of you are still out there), as you may have noticed, I have had a whole lot of nothing to say in the past few weeks (months). I wanted this blog to be a positive place, and have not had a whole lot of positive to give, so I have been silent instead. I also wanted the content to mostly be about knitting. I'm not sure that my goals for the blog were realistic. I mean, there is only so much waxing poetic about knitting and those who knit that one can do without mentioning that there is life that does not pertain to knitting going on. (surely not!) It could be that all the knitting content in my head is waiting for the other stuff to get out of the way, and I'll be stalled forever unless I tell you all about it. Why, it's possible that I might never design again if I only talk about how great knitting is. So, here goes.

There are times in life when something earth-shaking happens to one you love dearly, and you rally your reserves and do everything you can to help them through that time. And then when that time drags out for weeks and weeks (through no one's fault), it gets VERY tiring. You need time for yourself, or you're going to, at best, seem like a real bitch, and at worst, make the kind of mistake that makes said love one wonder what they ever saw in you in the first place. I choose the bitch part.

It has been almost 4 weeks since my DH's Dad was diagnosed with a Pulmonary Embolism (a blood clot in a very, very bad place). Now technically, it should have killed him and we would have found out later what it was. But luckily, the clot stuck fast. Needless to say, DH is distraught. He could have/ might still lose his father.

DHsDad was in the hospital for a week. They know what he has. They don't know. They believe it's what they diagnosed. He needs surgery right away. They have to wait for the surgery. They schedule his surgery for a week later. He goes home for a week, then back to the hospital for the surgery. Almost two weeks ago, he had open heart surgery to remove the (the doctors find) multiple blood clots. The surgery goes great. Then he develops pneumonia. He's making progress, but he'll still be in the hospital for at least a week. Up, down. Up, down. And on, and on. It feels like we've been on some sort of horrible roller coaster ride for a month. Once DHsDad actually gets home from the hospital, he'll be recuperating for at least six weeks.

Now DH has been visiting at least three times a week to either the hospital (one hour away) or to DHsDad's (and Mom's) home (an hour and a half away). Sometimes the Monkey, who is now 16 months old and I go with, sometimes we don't. Now comes the bitchy part. You ready? I am so very tired of not only driving back and forth to the hospital, but also of trying to entertain a 16 month old in a hospital waiting room. When we visit Grandpa, the baby is not allowed to touch anything, and must be held the entire time. Ever seen a toddler who has been trapped in the car for an hour and then held for 15 minutes? They have this kind of meltdown that results in them running down the hall of the hospital, throwing themselves at any legs they find, hugging briefly before running away, giggling like mad. Now these unsuspecting legs usually are a bit surprised to be almost tackled in the hospital hallways, and not too pleased with me, even though they seem to smile and say through clenched teeth that the child is "cute". Put the child in a small waiting room, and he practically bounces off the walls, until everyone else waiting in there wishes he would go and molest the hall people again.

I'm half expecting that we'll get kicked out of the hospital one of these times, and asked not to return. The bitch is excited about that prospect. She is tired of being in the car and changing diapers on the (scary disease ridden) floor in the hospital. She is tired of having her life on hold for the past month, and not looking forward to having it on hold for at least two more.

We can't take two more months of this. I do have sympathy for DHsDad, but we can't wait. I decided that when we are not on our way to/from the hospital, my toddler and I are on vacation. I made some dates. Play dates during the day when DH is working, and a few nights out when DH is staying home from the hospital. We need progress and relaxation that is not connected to DHsDad's recovery. I started projects. I organized the cabinet in the bathroom. I started cleaning out the guest room so we can have some company. I bought a book. I read the book. Book review tomorrow.

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